In the last few months, I’ve had a number of conversations with people who ask me why should we still allow international adoptions when so many children live here domestically in need of parents? In addition to those living in the foster care system in need of good homes, there still occasionally are those parents (typically single teenagers) who get pregnant and decide not to abort and not to parent; so placing their child for adoption is their choice. So what then with these options still available is the reason why people choose to find a child internationally?
The primary reason I believe is choice selection. Many people (not all) when they are looking to adopt are looking for a child (preferably infant age) who have looks as close to themselves (the adopting) parents as possible. This isn’t all people who adopt, many choose to adopt as a means to help the child have a better life; but many are looking to grow their family, so finding a child that looks as close to their looks as possible becomes primary. As I mentioned above, finding an infant is also primary. Many parents looking to adopt want to raise a child applying all they have learned in their own lives to the life of this child; many adopting parents don’t want to raise a child where they have to spend many years correcting someone else’s bad parenting choices and decisions.
Secondly, I believe that many families choose to adopt internationally because of privacy concerns. With Open adoption laws being what they are here in the U.S., many birth parents can negotiate adoption plans that will allow them to remain involved in the child’s life and even co-parent the child with the adopting parents if the birth parent makes those requests. Many adopting parents aren’t looking to add an additional parenting figure to the equation, so they instead choose to connect with a child outside of the U.S. in order to greatly minimize the chance a birth parent will look to make themselves involved, both in the present and in the future. And although the adoption process may take longer and the cost may be up to 10X greater, some parents will make those sacrifices in order to have a family situation that best suits their comfortability.
